I'm eleven weeks pregnant this week, and I look (and feel) more like six months with a belly that's bigger than my best friend's who's around 20 weeks. Ok, so I know I wasn't in the best of shape prior to starting the whole IVF process, but I didn't plan on showing so soon. I've even tried sucking in my stomach to see if I still looked pregnant, and yup... I totally do. So why bother? Let loose, and accept the bump.
After throwing my back out a few days ago and spending two days trying hard to lay in a position which allowed me to BREATHE pain-free... I decided that at the first moment I began to feel somewhat better, I was going to get the hell out of my room and do some major shopping. As. I. Should.
I went to the mall and hit up Pottery Barn first, bought a few cute things for my living room... like this really cute birdhouse (the one on the left) and these really pretty lanterns... so naturally, I was happy.
I walked out of the store and went directly next door to Pottery Barn Kids. I stood outside for a minute contemplating if I should even bother walking in since the thought of shopping for the baby stressed the crap out of me. But I did. I walked in. And I was in cutesy hell.
I've always decorated my other children's rooms with bedding from Pottery Barn. Look, you get what you pay for, and my kids are always beasts when it comes to taking care of their things... including the beds that they sleep in. So when their beds look nice even though their rooms resembled the orphanage that little Annie grew up in, I was able to pat myself on the back and call myself a good mother because at least my children were sleeping under expensive duvets.
I passed all of the adorable toddler beds and toys and all of the "we-hope-you-have-a-girl-cuz-our-girl-stuff-is-way-cuter-than-the-boy-stuff" fluff when I entered baby heaven.
I looked up and saw this bird baby mobile hanging above me, and it stopped me in my tracks. True, it looks like something I could make myself, but I just stood there and cried. Why I cried, I'm not even sure... but I did. Those crazy baby hormones got the best of me in front of EVERYONE there in the Barn's baby section.
Thank goodness I look like a huge pregnant cow so people could see that I was hormonal and not just a fluffy woman crying for no reason.
I have to have that baby mobile. I am so drawn to bird things because birds remind me of my grandfather who bred several different types of birds in his backyard. I have to have that baby mobile because my heart melted into a puddle of heart goo inside of my chest. I have to have that baby mobile because... well... because it made me cry.
I held off on buying the mobile for reasons I really can't explain, and I went to Motherhood and pretty much pulled one of everything off of the racks and bought it. I LOVE the maternity clothes that they have... I only wish those clothes were available a decade or two ago. When I look back on the hideousness that I wore when I was pregnant with my first daughter (who's almost 20 years old now!), I can't help but weep for my younger self. Back then I knew I looked ridiculous, but I had no other choice but to wear those overalls. Freaking yikes. I'm sorry, young self.
It's 4:00 am and I'm not sleeping. This is nuts. Is this nature's way of preparing me for what's coming? Long, sleepless nights with a hungry baby? Bring it.
9 weeks
Friday, April 13, 2012
Oh man, I hope I don't have a girl. I'm serious... I WILL throw all sensibility out of the window and buy this crib for my little princess to NOT sleep in because she'll probably end up next to me anyway..
It's been 13 years since I've had a child, and I have no idea what I'll be needing or where to even begin. But if that crib is my starting point, then we're in a heap of trouble because I lack self-control when it comes to all things girlie.
If we have a boy, then I will go with traditional and adorable... so in a few more weeks, we will find out if we are going to be poor.
Why is it that there are more adorable things for girls than there are for boys?? Aren't boys supposed to be just as much fun to shop for as girls? Whenever I walk by the newborn girl section of any store, I stop and stare and ooohhhh and awwwww... but I don't really do that with the boy's section. They just stick really big pictures of frogs and puppies and dinosaurs on the front of the outfit and call it a day.
If we have a boy, he will dress like his daddy. There. It's settled.
Speaking of baby... we've graduated from the RE's office! Yaaaay! Baby looked so adorable and was wiggling around on the ultrasound monitor. My official OB appointment is next week, Tuesday, and I can't wait to get in to see my dr. She's been with me through thick and thin. She's helped me through so many losses, and I'm just excited to show her our "keeper."
I'm still feeling like blah between the hours of 2am and 2pm. After that 2pm., I try to eat anything I can find somewhat appealing. Lately it's been jello cups with fruit and mandarin oranges. I can do peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but dinnertime in my home sends me to my room like a prisoner because I can't handle the smell of food cooking.
I've been told that this morning sickness will let up a little by the time I'm in my second trimester. I'm hoping that memo reaches my little one because I'm a few weeks away, and I'd LOVE nothing more than to sit down to dinner with my family and actually enjoy it. It's like the baby is telling me "Oh, you're HUNGRY, Mom? Does that food look GOOD?? Try it! Just one bite so I can send you running to the bathroom. Get me a fruit cup, woman!!"
Here's a newer pic of the little one:
.JPG)
It's sooo grainy, but you can see the munkee up at the top looking like he/she wants to give you a hug. Heart is pounding away at 176bpm and this baby is happy and healthy. That's all that matters. :)
It's been 13 years since I've had a child, and I have no idea what I'll be needing or where to even begin. But if that crib is my starting point, then we're in a heap of trouble because I lack self-control when it comes to all things girlie.
If we have a boy, then I will go with traditional and adorable... so in a few more weeks, we will find out if we are going to be poor.
Why is it that there are more adorable things for girls than there are for boys?? Aren't boys supposed to be just as much fun to shop for as girls? Whenever I walk by the newborn girl section of any store, I stop and stare and ooohhhh and awwwww... but I don't really do that with the boy's section. They just stick really big pictures of frogs and puppies and dinosaurs on the front of the outfit and call it a day.
If we have a boy, he will dress like his daddy. There. It's settled.
Speaking of baby... we've graduated from the RE's office! Yaaaay! Baby looked so adorable and was wiggling around on the ultrasound monitor. My official OB appointment is next week, Tuesday, and I can't wait to get in to see my dr. She's been with me through thick and thin. She's helped me through so many losses, and I'm just excited to show her our "keeper."
I'm still feeling like blah between the hours of 2am and 2pm. After that 2pm., I try to eat anything I can find somewhat appealing. Lately it's been jello cups with fruit and mandarin oranges. I can do peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but dinnertime in my home sends me to my room like a prisoner because I can't handle the smell of food cooking.
I've been told that this morning sickness will let up a little by the time I'm in my second trimester. I'm hoping that memo reaches my little one because I'm a few weeks away, and I'd LOVE nothing more than to sit down to dinner with my family and actually enjoy it. It's like the baby is telling me "Oh, you're HUNGRY, Mom? Does that food look GOOD?? Try it! Just one bite so I can send you running to the bathroom. Get me a fruit cup, woman!!"
Here's a newer pic of the little one:
.JPG)
It's sooo grainy, but you can see the munkee up at the top looking like he/she wants to give you a hug. Heart is pounding away at 176bpm and this baby is happy and healthy. That's all that matters. :)
Spotting, stomach flu... What an eventful week!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Wow, where do I even begin this entry? It's 11:00pm on a Friday night, and I can't wait for the clock to strike 12 so I can officially call it a week and put it to rest.
Monday, I was 7 weeks 2 days when I noticed that I was spotting. It wasn't a bright red or pink type of spotting, but more of a clear brownish tint. Put it this way, it was enough to shock the hell out of me and send me to the emergency room at 9pm because I'm completely level-headed that way.
While in triage, the nurse who was taking my vitals asked me all of the common "how far along are you?" "are you cramping?" "are you bleeding heavy enough to soak a pad?" questions, and I started to feel silly and embarrassed for being there because my only answer to all of those questions was "Ummm, no. I'm just tinting this tan/light brown/clearish color.."
Since it wasn't a true emergency, and after having my blood taken and a urine sample was given, I was sent back out into the waiting room so that others who were there with TRUE emergencies could have the bed that I would have been in. No problem... DH and I sat in the children's are because Mary Poppins was playing on their TV, and since the area was empty, we made ourselves comfortable for the next hour. I was thankful for that because I knew what was coming next.... the ultrasound.
I just knew that I was about to miscarry. Why else would I have been spotting? All of my other miscarriages started out that way... I would spot... the spotting would eventually get heavier... then it would all be over and I'd leave the hospital un-pregnant. So waiting for the ultrasound tech to call my name was excruciating. So, thank you Mary Poppins, you annoying freak, for helping me get through that. A spoon full of sugar, indeed.
Tech on MUTE
Ok, so I get the whole "I'm not a dr., just a tech, so I can't tell you anything I'm seeing on the ultrasound screen" thing... but OMG! It was bad enough waiting for the tech to call me, but to call me and then not say anything to me other than "Disrobe from the waist down" and "Can you please insert this probe?" and "Don't ask any questions. The dr. will go over all of your results later." and then proceed to probe my personal area was BEYOND awkward. But that's exactly what happened. I just wanted her to tell me that she saw the baby's heartbeat, but the fact that she sat there stone-faced the entire time led me to believe that my gut feeling was accurate, and I had lost the baby.
After another hour of waiting in the waiting room, we were finally called back to a bed where the dr. was going to give me the bad news, tell me how sorry he was, and give me my options. But that didn't happen...
Dr. I Dunno
A rather young, tall, thin man with wire-rimmed glasses introduced himself as the Dr. and pulled a chair up next to me prepared to give me the results from all of my tests, including the ultrasound report.
"Well, I'm not sure why you're spotting, but the baby looks great and has a gorgeous little heartbeat.."
I couldn't believe he was telling me this. I was waiting for him to tell me he was reading someone else's results, but nope, those results were for me!
"My baby is ok?" I asked.
"Sure. Why wouldn't it be?" he responded.
"Because I'm spotting... ?" was all I could come up with.
"Spotting is very normal in the first trimester. Your hormones are doing what they're supposed to be doing, and sometimes you will spot for no reason whatsoever. Now, if you were bleeding and cramping, then we would have something to be concerned about. But your levels look great, your baby looks great, you're not running a fever... so I'm sending you home with orders to rest until the spotting subsides and come back if things start to get worse. Ok?"
So, I got to leave the hospital "still pregnant" and with good news. I wasn't sure why I was spotting, either, but I knew that the baby was ok, and that's all I cared about.
Sharing the BLAHHHH'S
A couple of days after the spotting scare, I was feeling very good and secure knowing that my little munkee was safe and sound inside of me. Then "inside of me" declared war on my entire body. I couldn't keep ANYTHING in.. not even water. I panicked. Oh, that's nothing. You should have seen how freaked out I was when I took my temp and it was 102.3 degrees. I just KNEW that my baby inside of me was getting boiled alive... so I went back to the hospital. :0/
This time, it really was an emergency. A pregnant woman should never let her temperature go above 101 degrees because it CAN be potentially harmful to the baby, and I wasn't embarrassed to be there and was ready for my bed because I was about to recreate a scene from Bridesmaids in the waiting room. (You know which scene I'm referring to...)
Again, the fear of damaging my little baby from running such a high fever, coupled with severe dehydration were worse than any symptoms I was feeling at that moment. I couldn't care less how sick I was... I just wanted my baby to be ok.
This time I had a different ultrasound tech. Even though she didn't share what it was she was seeing on the screen, she did reassure me by talking about the baby as though it was still alive, which was code for "Your baby is fine" to me, and I was so grateful.
After two bags of fluids to rehydrate me, medicine to calm the nausea, and confirmation that the baby was still alive and kicking... I left the hospital, once again... still pregnant.
Today's follow-up
Because of the crazy and eventful week, I kind of cheated on my RE and went to my OBGYN before being "officially released" for my follow-up. I have an appointment next week for my official release, so I'll go ahead and keep that... I just wanted to follow up with my ob just to get that ball rolling. I was able to finally see the baby on ultrasound, and nothing was kept from me.
Wanna see my baby? She's a cutie little gummy bear measuring 8 weeks, 2 days (a whole 2 days ahead of schedule!). She was even moving around a little inside of me. The most precious sight I've seen in such a long time...
.JPG)
Ok, she has an alien head, but OMG... I totally love her alien head. And why do I keep referring to the baby as a her? I dunno... I guess I've changed my mind and am convinced this baby is a she... so until proven otherwise, little munkee is a girl.
4 minutes until tomorrow... and I'm ready to stick a fork in it. Until next week...
Monday, I was 7 weeks 2 days when I noticed that I was spotting. It wasn't a bright red or pink type of spotting, but more of a clear brownish tint. Put it this way, it was enough to shock the hell out of me and send me to the emergency room at 9pm because I'm completely level-headed that way.
While in triage, the nurse who was taking my vitals asked me all of the common "how far along are you?" "are you cramping?" "are you bleeding heavy enough to soak a pad?" questions, and I started to feel silly and embarrassed for being there because my only answer to all of those questions was "Ummm, no. I'm just tinting this tan/light brown/clearish color.."
Since it wasn't a true emergency, and after having my blood taken and a urine sample was given, I was sent back out into the waiting room so that others who were there with TRUE emergencies could have the bed that I would have been in. No problem... DH and I sat in the children's are because Mary Poppins was playing on their TV, and since the area was empty, we made ourselves comfortable for the next hour. I was thankful for that because I knew what was coming next.... the ultrasound.
I just knew that I was about to miscarry. Why else would I have been spotting? All of my other miscarriages started out that way... I would spot... the spotting would eventually get heavier... then it would all be over and I'd leave the hospital un-pregnant. So waiting for the ultrasound tech to call my name was excruciating. So, thank you Mary Poppins, you annoying freak, for helping me get through that. A spoon full of sugar, indeed.
Tech on MUTE
Ok, so I get the whole "I'm not a dr., just a tech, so I can't tell you anything I'm seeing on the ultrasound screen" thing... but OMG! It was bad enough waiting for the tech to call me, but to call me and then not say anything to me other than "Disrobe from the waist down" and "Can you please insert this probe?" and "Don't ask any questions. The dr. will go over all of your results later." and then proceed to probe my personal area was BEYOND awkward. But that's exactly what happened. I just wanted her to tell me that she saw the baby's heartbeat, but the fact that she sat there stone-faced the entire time led me to believe that my gut feeling was accurate, and I had lost the baby.
After another hour of waiting in the waiting room, we were finally called back to a bed where the dr. was going to give me the bad news, tell me how sorry he was, and give me my options. But that didn't happen...
Dr. I Dunno
A rather young, tall, thin man with wire-rimmed glasses introduced himself as the Dr. and pulled a chair up next to me prepared to give me the results from all of my tests, including the ultrasound report.
"Well, I'm not sure why you're spotting, but the baby looks great and has a gorgeous little heartbeat.."
I couldn't believe he was telling me this. I was waiting for him to tell me he was reading someone else's results, but nope, those results were for me!
"My baby is ok?" I asked.
"Sure. Why wouldn't it be?" he responded.
"Because I'm spotting... ?" was all I could come up with.
"Spotting is very normal in the first trimester. Your hormones are doing what they're supposed to be doing, and sometimes you will spot for no reason whatsoever. Now, if you were bleeding and cramping, then we would have something to be concerned about. But your levels look great, your baby looks great, you're not running a fever... so I'm sending you home with orders to rest until the spotting subsides and come back if things start to get worse. Ok?"
So, I got to leave the hospital "still pregnant" and with good news. I wasn't sure why I was spotting, either, but I knew that the baby was ok, and that's all I cared about.
Sharing the BLAHHHH'S
A couple of days after the spotting scare, I was feeling very good and secure knowing that my little munkee was safe and sound inside of me. Then "inside of me" declared war on my entire body. I couldn't keep ANYTHING in.. not even water. I panicked. Oh, that's nothing. You should have seen how freaked out I was when I took my temp and it was 102.3 degrees. I just KNEW that my baby inside of me was getting boiled alive... so I went back to the hospital. :0/
This time, it really was an emergency. A pregnant woman should never let her temperature go above 101 degrees because it CAN be potentially harmful to the baby, and I wasn't embarrassed to be there and was ready for my bed because I was about to recreate a scene from Bridesmaids in the waiting room. (You know which scene I'm referring to...)
Again, the fear of damaging my little baby from running such a high fever, coupled with severe dehydration were worse than any symptoms I was feeling at that moment. I couldn't care less how sick I was... I just wanted my baby to be ok.
This time I had a different ultrasound tech. Even though she didn't share what it was she was seeing on the screen, she did reassure me by talking about the baby as though it was still alive, which was code for "Your baby is fine" to me, and I was so grateful.
After two bags of fluids to rehydrate me, medicine to calm the nausea, and confirmation that the baby was still alive and kicking... I left the hospital, once again... still pregnant.
Today's follow-up
Because of the crazy and eventful week, I kind of cheated on my RE and went to my OBGYN before being "officially released" for my follow-up. I have an appointment next week for my official release, so I'll go ahead and keep that... I just wanted to follow up with my ob just to get that ball rolling. I was able to finally see the baby on ultrasound, and nothing was kept from me.
Wanna see my baby? She's a cutie little gummy bear measuring 8 weeks, 2 days (a whole 2 days ahead of schedule!). She was even moving around a little inside of me. The most precious sight I've seen in such a long time...
.JPG)
Ok, she has an alien head, but OMG... I totally love her alien head. And why do I keep referring to the baby as a her? I dunno... I guess I've changed my mind and am convinced this baby is a she... so until proven otherwise, little munkee is a girl.
4 minutes until tomorrow... and I'm ready to stick a fork in it. Until next week...
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