So if you end up here on my blog, welcome. I'm so sorry that you have to be here, too. There's such a huge community for those of us who are trying desperately to bring home our little one, and if there's anything that I can do or say to help just one person get through this journey, then great. :)
My name is Luna, and I'm infertile.
Let's start off with the fact that I do have children. It's been almost 13 years since I've had my youngest, and I'm ready to welcome our last. I thought it was going to be a breeze since getting pregnant has never been an issue for me before. I had a little hurdle to jump over this last time because my tubes were tied. But after we agreed to have "just one more"... all I had to do was have a tubal reversal and then the babies would start coming, right? Oh my god, so wrong.
My tubal reversal was performed by Dr. Monteith of Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center in April of 2010. He did an amazing job, and I had the best experience there. After my tubes were repaired and both were shown to be open and healthy, our race to make a baby began.
It took a few months (almost a year to be exact) before I actually did become pregnant on my own. Unfortunately, like with many tubal reversal pregnancies, it ended up being an ectopic. Strike one. But the fact that I could get pregnant on my own was what helped me to make it through that horrendous experience, and I was ready to try again within the next 3 months.
I did become pregnant again 3 months later, but that one was a chemical pregnancy, and I felt completely defeated.
I've tried doing the Clomid thing, but I wasn't making enough eggs, and after three cycles of being told that my E2 levels were too low, and the chances of becoming pregnant on my own were slim to none, I decided that it was time to pull out the big guns and move on to a more aggressive approach... IVF.
IVF attempt #1
See, my problem is that I'm considered to be "old" even though I feel like I'm 18. My eggs are matching my age, and so I was diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve (sucks!!!) and something about AMH being equally sucky. HOW BAD DO MY EGGS SUCK? Sooo bad that I completely failed the first IVF attempt because I didn't respond at all to the Microdose Lupron Flare protocol. Both of my RE's just threw their hands up in the air and called it quits on my 8th day of stims and told me to call them when AF arrived.
That was in November of 2011. I was so crushed. All of that hard work and sticking myself in the stomach was for nothing. My RE's didn't even think I should even go for another IVF attempt, so when AF did arrive, they tried for IUI. I actually responded much better that time with 3 juicy eggs. I don't know why it didn't work, but I knew in my heart that I wanted to try IVF one more time once AF showed up.
IVF attempt #2
My RE told me "Ok, we'll give it one last shot!" after I begged and pleaded to give IVF another go. He started me on a new protocol on CD 1-3 which consisted of progesterone suppositories (instead of birth control) to keep my period from showing up. Well, that lasted for about 3 days, and my period eventually arrived in full force... so my RE told me to double up on BCP for one day, and then take one BCP for the next two days (CD's 2-3)... then on CD 6, I was to start Lupron at 20iu.
Murder scene
My CD3 ultrasound had to be one of the most disgusting YUCK examinations of my entire life. I was bleeding so heavily that every time my RE moved the wand inside of me, I could feel the blood pour out of me like a faucet. I'm so sorry if that's TMI, but holy crap, I was humiliated and embarrassed and just wanted to hide in a corner. My RE and his assistant assured me that there wasn't anything that they haven't seen and to not worry about it... but when the assistant made a "Oh!" noise and grabbed a super duper wipey and bent down to wipe my blood OFF OF HIS SHOE... I died. Ohhhhh my god... seriously. Did that really happen?! Yes. When the examination was over, I hopped off of the table and it literally looked like a murder scene. I grabbed as many super duper wipes and went to work PRAYING that nobody would knock or come in to check on me. I just wanted to clean.
Ok, enough about that story. Moving right along...
Lupron
I have a confession to make. Once I started to stim 3 days after beginning my Lupron injections, I took my dosage of Lupron down to 10iu twice a day instead of 20. I think Lupron suppressed me way too much the first time around, so I made my own adjustment ... I would NEVER recommend anyone to do that. Maybe I was being stupid, but it worked. I've read how Lupron can over stimulate people with my condition, and I didn't want to replay IVF failure #1 by having absolutely no lining or follicles to work with. So my stim schedule/dosage looked like this:
Monday, February 13, 2012 - Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Morning:
150iu Gonal - F
75iu Menopur
10iu Lupron
Night:
225iu Gonal - F
75iu Menopur
10iu Lupron
Baby Aspirin, Zithromax, Dexamethasone, prenatal vitamins
I was SCARED stupid when I went in for my first follicle check after stimming thinking "Omg he's gonna know what I've done, and I'm going to get in trouble!" but luckily, on stim day 5, my ultrasound showed a perfect uterine lining at 7 and 4-5 good sized follicles on the right ovary, and 2-3 follicles on my left. *high five!
"On the Fence"
By day10 of stims, my RE stated that he was still on the fence about my making it to retrieval. I was thinking in my head "Seriously, asshole? I'm paying YOU to retrieve my eggs. I have at least 4... go in and get them." I hated that he was so negative about the whole thing. I thought I was doing FABULOUSLY and was so excited when he kept clicking on the follicles to measure them on the ultrasound. One, two, three... four... FIVE on the right. One, two THREE on the left. That's three more than what we started out with! I was NOT going to let him give up on me. He stated over and over again that he doubts I had any mature follicles at that point. I knew in my heart that he was wrong. My lining was over 13 and I had a ton of EWCM... my body was ready to have some eggs fertilized. I WILL MAKE IT TO ER ON FRIDAY!!
Get the hell off the fence
After my blood work came back and showed that I was, in fact, carrying some mature follicles, I was instructed to give myself one more shot (minus the Lupron) and trigger at midnight. (screams!!!) I made it. I knew I would.
I thought I was going to feel a ton of O pains right after trigger, because in the past, once I triggered, I could literally feel the egg pop and (exaggeration in 3, 2, 1) travel down my tubes and completely miss my uterus all together. But this time, I didn't... until 3pm. Yup... there it is. Thursday, February 23, 2012. I was ready for retrieval the following morning. I'll talk about that in my next post because this one is turning more into a chapter of the bible, and if you've read this far... you're a champ. ;)
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